All Over The Map

How I Ended up on a Stranger's Tinder Profile Picture.


Last August during the Ed fringe my cousin Liam and his mates came along to my show 'Tigers Don't Cry'. After what was a fun show we all went out for drinks, then at the end of the night parted ways to get our respective last trains home. One of Liam's pals Perry jumped on the same train home as me.


The train was chokka with people heading home from a full day of drinking. Perry went and found some seats while I went to the toilet. What quickly became clear once I got back from the toilet was that Perry had got chatting to a couple of drunk fellas, one of which was prince charming himself 'Billy'. Perry had talked to them about my show and said that I was a comedian so before I even sat down Billy shouts 'OMG are you Harry Stachini' proper taking the piss. I just laughed it off (I even have the picture to prove it)


He continued trying to show me giving it all 'so you're a funny man are you - big-time comedian n that' I just continued to laugh along with it like 'yeah proper big-time that's why I'm currently on the busiest train in Scotland sat next to you'.


Billy asked for a flyer because he wanted to come to my show and kept telling me 'I'm gonna heckle you non stop wee man'. I didn't doubt him for a second. If this is what he's like on a train god knows what he's like at a gig (i hoped the £5 entry would prize him out).


Other people on the train were looking across as Billy after 15 minutes of making a lot of noise about me being a comedian he's 'never heard of'. I can sense other people sat around were just thinking 'SHUT THE FUCK UP BILLY'. Just as the train approached my stop he says 'what happens when nobody laughs at your jokes wee man do you go home and cry about it' and I said 'yeah but I usually whip my tears away with a £20 note' and people sat close enough to hear laughed and I finally got off.


The only reason I'm telling you this is because yesterday my cousin Danielle (Liam sister) sent me this picture of someone she'd matched on tinder. Surprise! Surprise! it was 'Billy'.


Suddenly the memory came rushing back and now that I think of it I remember Billy briefly asking his wife on the phone to pick him up from the station. It's clear that things have changed for one of us since August. I mean I'm still trying to build a career in comedy but Billy now has to facetime his kids on the weekend while trying to integrate with my family.


Until next time take it easy,


Harry